Red Carded: why would you want to be a football referee?

Why would you want to be a football referee? Most people probably will not be able to find even one positive reason, here is my take and look into the world of refereeing.

Listen, I might not be a Premier League referee, but nonetheless a lot of my friends and family ask me why on earth I enjoy refereeing. All of the abuse, swearing, shouting, bickering, acting, aggression and ungrateful nature of the game would not really make the average person consider picking up this trade. Which I can completely agree with if that is your view on refereeing, however the world of refereeing is very different compared to the views of the average couch critic. So let me give you my take on this whistling malarkey.

As good old froggy whiner and ex Arsenal coach Arsene Wenger mostly said after a loss, “Uhm yez it was ze referee’s fault!”. That twat still couldn’t speak a decent word of English after more than 20 years in the country. Merde! That aside, his quote is one I hear a lot, maybe not weekly, but every 2 or 3 games definitely.

And being a referee makes you the easiest target and let’s be honest most logical scapegoat on the football pitch. Even in my footballing days we knew most referee’s and their mostly negative reputations. Not because we hated every referee, but because in most cases those referees were really poor or even worse, wanted to make the match about them.

And let me tell you something, the goal as a referee is ideally to whistle as a rarely as possible and let the game flow at its natural pace. A referee should ‘never’ be the centre of attention in any football game. He must lead the game, yes, but the game is about two teams trying to win, not the bloke or lass with the whistle.

Talking about reputations, let me address a certain ball-bag called Mike Dean. He is the twat in the cover picture. Mikey is a professional FA referee who referees most his matches in the Premier League in England, as well as some occasional Champions League and international nation games. Mikey likes to talk. Mikey likes to be the centre of attention. Mikey makes a lot of mistakes. Mikey likes red cards, but really loves yellow cards. And with those mistakes come the heavy consequences that affect the outcome of most games. Mikey shows us all how to not be a referee.

So we thank Mikey for showing us how refereeing should not be done and why so many referees have such a bad reputation.
In amateur football there are no camera’s, reporters, commentators (some parents might think they are) or reliable assistant referee’s. Gosh, where is the fame in that mate?

The foundation of any referee is knowing the rules and let me tell you there are a lot of them. 228 pages of them if you take rule book from FIFA. Not only are there a lot of rules, some of the rules like offside are so complex they cannot be explained easily over a beer in the pub anymore. As they made fun of in this Amstel beer commercial in the Netherlands, which eventually was banned. Here it is anyway with subtitles:

My point is not to approve of LGBTQ mockery, but rather the way the guy in the commercial explained offside once really was that simple. Now there are 3 full page A4’s on offside in the rulebook. And don’t forget that the referee has to act upon any given situation within a matter of seconds and get it right every time. All those rules shooting through your brain like mad electrodes.

Football has become very complex and in amateur football it only makes it more frustrating that the parents often don’t know these rules to that extent and hate you even more regardless of what the rule really is. Because their son or daughter is the next Messi, so you better allow them to do anything. After all you told your child every night before going to bed that they are ‘special’, and what do ‘special’ raised kids mostly turn into? Bullying arrogant diving-like-Neymar twats.

So if there are rules and all the players and coaching staff supposedly know them then every game should run quite straight forward, right? You would theoretically think that. Problem is that in amateur football and even some professional football referees sometimes bend the rules to their will. Don’t ask me why, I have never seen the point and do not know why people do it, you are only ruining the beautiful game of football.

Should you wish to engulf yourself with the knowledge of these rules then have at it right HERE, all 228 pages, just for you! Go to page 97 if you wish to have a good old wank over those pesky offside rules.

The other half of being a decent referee lies in the character of set referee. In comes the bloke below, Nestor Pitana. You might remember him from the last World Cup 2018 final between France and Croatia. Yeah he screwed up a bit, partly due to VAR, but let’s not go into that again.

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Nestor is cool. Nestor is South American. Nestor wears his socks over his knees. Nestor does not have a lot of hair left, but tries a fancy comb-over anyway. Still Nestor is cool.

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And let me tell you, you have to be a bad ass motherf*cker to be a professional referee in South America, let alone Argentina. Those folks are mad for football, and if you think referees show a lot of yellow cards in the Spanish La Liga, then go watch some Argentinian Primera Division games. Bloody carnage it is.

But hold on! You just showed us a 228 page rule book, then why is there such a difference in refereeing standards all over the world?

True, very true indeed. Refereeing is a trade that requires a fine touch of observation, interpretation and the skill to sense a situation’s severity whilst combining it with the before mentioned rules. And this is where the difference arises, different referees and football associations allow different interpretations of fouls, behaviour and mistakes.

You often hear a football commentator say on tv that in Spain this would be a foul and yellow card, but in England play just goes on without the referee stopping play for a foul.

I even see this difference in interpretation back home in Holland, where certain FA referees blow their whistle for every little foul because they believe that allows them to keep control of the game. If you go into every game with that tunnel vision, you are seriously holding back the flow of the game. Generally speaking a referee would start whistling more for fouls if a game is becoming agitated and aggressive.

I however like a free flowing and physical game, within the boundaries of the rules of course. But again that is a matter of interpretation.

Fun. Yes fun.
It makes the world of football and refereeing a very difficult one at that. BUT, refereeing can be so much fun. Yes, even with all the above downsides. It can be a tremendous thrill, adrenaline rush and feeling of power that isn’t easy to get in other parts of life. No, we are not all a bunch of power hungry dictators. Nein! Nein! Nein!

Refereeing allows us to watch the beautiful game of football, whilst influencing the game with control, respect, rules and authority. Because without that, football would be carnage. It makes me a very happy man when I leave the pitch after a game and parents, coaches come up to me telling me that I had a great game. Knowing you had a good game is a tremendously satisfying feeling that outweighs all the downsides of the sport. Also seeing the joy in the players eyes when they win, watching young boys and girls do what they love, the game of football, it still makes my heart melt every minute on the pitch.

On a side note I would like to ask everyone to show more respect, calmness and consideration to all referees, we (referees) could all do with a boosted image and reputation.
Don’t be a Mike Dean, be Nestor. Nestor is cool.

Red Carded: parents and respect

Football is my passion, it has been ever since I started playing it from a very young age. And when I say football, I do not mean American Football, no I mean soccer, which I will keep referring to as football. I am also a lifelong Arsenal and Ajax Amsterdam fan. But one thing I never imagined was ending up as a referee, and enjoying it!

Oi! Fatboy!


Throughout my youth I played as a central defender, being tall and lanky and as I got older moved up to midfield and eventually a striker, even ending my last season as league topscorer with 23 goals and league champion. That was at 17 years old, since then the decline set in. (who loves the pie!)
I went from being tall and lanky to being tall and broad, to tall and overweight. All those years studying and partying were detrimental to my body let’s just say. I started lifting weights and although I am still overweight, I at least do not look like the Michelin man running across the pitch. As I am getting married in October I decided to try and drastically change my diet and eating habits and get proper fit and ready for next season and the wedding. Damn you carbohydrates, sugars and McDonalds! I’m loving it!

You And Refereeing?
So after studying and then getting used to 9-5 working life I wanted to be involved with football again, but I knew I was not going to cut it as a player anymore especially with my injury record. So I came up with the idea of becoming a referee. Nuts right? That’s what everybody around me still says to this day. As I live in The Hague (Holland) which has tons of football clubs it didnt seem so hard to find one that would like another referee at their club. I managed to find a quality amateur club in the city called SVV Scheveningen who’s first team play second division on the highest amateur level and were desperate to add another referee to their ranks.

Very quickly I found my feet and started refereeing the youth varying from 12 year old boys and girls to adults. The club was nice enough to pay for my official refereeing license with the Dutch Football Association and as such since a year I am an officially licensed referee at club level. And I say club level because I do not go around traveling to other clubs to referee matches, I only referee all the matches at my own club, just like 6 others in our refereeing squad. I love the banter and community feeling the club provides.

Apologies for the long introduction but there I was, 6ft4, 255 pounds brick shithouse running across the pitch on a saturday, unpaid, yes for fun.
Funnily enough my expression, build and authority started creating a bit of a name and I pride myself nowadays on being a no-nonsense referee who does not like being spoken to too much by players.

Supporting Parents (ahum)
Which brings me to the other element which is not on the pitch but around the pitch, the parents. Listen, I may not have children yet, but as a referee I do have some sort of an educative almost parenting role let alone responsibility. Especially when you are dealing with young teenagers. Educating them on the game of football but also about respect and social skills.

But the fact that I do not have children yet and hence might not know how to act around children does not give a lot of you parents the right to act like disrespectful mindless bastards! Let me tell you what happened.

A few weeks ago I was refereeing a game with 14 year olds, the match went calmly and fair, until one player accidentally got hit in the face by a trailing arm and I have to say he barely touched him (no damage was done except to his ego). That was not even the big issue, that came shortly after when the father, of the boy who was hit by the arm, came running on to the pitch and wanted to punch/attack the other boy! The father angrily suggested that the other boy punched his son on purpose and that I (as referee) did not see this. Hence after I almost wrestle the man away from the kid and send him off the pitch, his son then starts retaliating to the boy who supposedly hit him by grabbing him by the throat, upon which I sent both players off the pitch for 10 minutes with a yellow card. (yes in the youth this is a rule) Once the supposed victim saw the yellow card, his mother then started swearing at me in the kind of way that would make Gordon Ramsay seem cute and innocent.

It baffles me to this day, that parents can lose it completely and even attempt to hurt a minor all over a simple amateur football match.


As you can imagine this was not the end of it and at the end of the match not one single player of the home team or the coaches shook my hand and hence I left the pitch with my head held high putting the imaginary middle finger up to them. I knew I had just refereed the match in proper and professional manner, but for the rest of the weekend it does leave you with a sour taste in your mouth. The club afterwards punished the coach and let’s just say it was not the first time this guy was causing havoc on a football pitch.

And remember kids, parents, whoever, the referee is doing it for fun and voluntarily and is not out to screw you or your kids. Have some respect and be a better role model for your kids!

For this column called ‘Red Carded’ I have created a rating of severity from 1 to 5 in the shape of a red card giving ex-referee Pierluigi Collina. For this week’s aggressive father I give four Collina’s:

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