15 Tips for your iPhone’s battery life

These tips will guide you in becoming more energy efficient on your iPhone, getting the most out of your battery life.

It has been an emotional week full of Apple news, both good and bad. I had some conversations with friends about their possible phone upgrades and one topic kept coming up: porn and its effect on battery life.
Yep, porn was the biggest battery killer by far apparently. Crazy world.
‘Cumming’ ahead of PokemonGO and making selfies.
Okay, stop yanking my chain Marcel!
It is actually general battery life I wish to discuss here. Or in other words, the crap battery life on most iPhones. Let me try and help you with this rather neat list of tips and tricks to get the most out of your jiz..uhhm..juice!

Before we get down into the nitty gritty details as to why Stormy Daniels would ever shag that orange buffoon AND why your battery life is not up to scratch, let me please reiterate that this list ‘could’ help, but is not a definitive guarantee for each iPhone. It is important to remember that in some cases you can actually have a faulty battery and just need to replace it, changing settings will definitely not fix ‘that’ problem.

1. iOS update adjustment period
Every year there are a lot of people who complain that after updating to Apple’s latest iteration of iOS, their iPhone’s battery performance drops drastically. No Apple is not rigging your iPhone’s software to perform less. Not in this case. Anymore.
The reason for the drain is the fact that your phones files and apps are arranged in indexes, keeping all of your phone’s information organised – and, quickly accessible.

When a major iOS update comes along, a lot of the code and systems that make up your phone get changed significantly. This means your iPhone has to re-organise and re-index all your apps and data on your iPhone, to make it more searchable. This results in a large amount of work the processor has to do, which inevitably creates additional drain on your battery. You also often notice that people tend to spend more time on their phones trying out the new features and inadvertently do not notice the extra screen time they are thus creating.

Luckily this process only lasts for around 24 to 48 hours, so your battery life should be back to normal two days after you complete the iOS 12 update.

2. Bluetooth off
Image-1A lot of people probably do not even realise that iOS turns bluetooth on by default when your first install iOS. If you do not use bluetooth accessories like an Apple Watch then turn your bluetooth completely off for some added battery juice.
Go to the app Settings > Bluetooth > Flick the green switch to the left

3. Lowering brightness
Image-1 (1)One of the biggest battery drainers on any smartphone is the brightness. When you are dealing with high quality displays like Samsung’s Quad HD+ Super Amoled or Apple’s Super Retina OLED’s then cranking your brightness up to max will severely impact your daily battery performance. My own iPhone 7 Plus mostly is set to 30 or 40% brightness.
Go to the app Settings > Display & Brightness >Brightness > Move the slider higher or lower. There is also a quicker method by accessing your Control Center by sliding up from the bottom of your screen or if you own an iPhone X or newer, sliding down from the top right of your screen.

4. Running apps in the background
Image-1 (2)Just like brightness, battery app refresh can also be a major downer on your juice levels.
Hidden in some of the lower levels of iOS settings and menu, you will find a list of all your apps, either with green switch (see picture above) or a white one. Green for one, white for off. With this list you should consider do I need all my apps to run in the background. Some apps like Whatsapp, Facebook and Email it makes sense, but I do not need booking app or airbnb app to be running all the time trying to fetch me updates. Turning off all those apps you do not necessarily need info from all day long will seriously help your battery performance.
Go to the app Settings > General > Background App Refresh > Flick apps on or off.

5. Location services
Image-1 (3)If you had not noticed yet, you definitely will now, iPhones have a lot of background processes to give you what you need and you probably did not even know they existed. I mean why would you be such a geek and dig through all those countless menus and settings? Right Marcel? (#nerd)
Well as I did it for you here is another hidden battery drainer called ‘Location Services’.
Most apps can track your activity from a location perspective or need your location to function properly (think Google Maps). You can tailor these settings in three ways, set an app to ‘while using’ (only use location services when you have opened the app), ‘never’ making any location service use impossible by turning it off or lastly ‘always’ when you always want the service to be available to that specific app. Something I do for my weather app Carrot for example.
You can find it by going to the app Settings > Privacy > Location Services.

6. Push notifications apps
Image-1 (4)If You do not want to see any fake news coming from your CNN or FOX-NEWS app then you just simply turn it off. Added bonus is that you also drain your phone’s battery less and receive less fake news. Every installed app gives you the ability to customise its notification settings through banners, badges and sounds which all drain battery in some little way. A lot of apps you really do not need to receive notifications from so save yourself some battery and turn them off for those apps.
Go to the app Settings > Notifications.

7. Turn on low power mode
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Should you get down to 20% or even 10% battery level then do not despair, Apple built in a ‘Low Power Mode’ which by activating will make those last percentages of battery last that little bit longer. Making sure you can catch that late night Uber home after a terrible one night stand with someone who’s name you no longer remember. It manages to do this by turning off background app refresh, push notifications, Siri functions, automatic downloads and certain visual effects until you fully charge your phone.
There are two ways to do this. The long way is by going to the app Settings > Battery > Low Power Mode. The shorter route is by opening your Control Center again and tapping the above pictured symbol (2nd pic on right).

8. Charge your phone to 30% – 80%
I will not bore you about the behaviour of batteries, but after a lot of research and experience I can guarantee you that it does ‘not’ harm your phone by leaving it on charge all night. However studies have shown that the optimal charge levels of a smartphone lay between 30% and 80% charged. So if you find yourself waking up to barely 20% juice, quickly pop it in the charger and probably 15 minutes later you are already at 40-50% and good to get through your average day.

9. Turn Wi-Fi off
Image-1 (5)Probably one of the most common mistakes made still by myself included is leaving Wi-Fi on all day. Yes, also Wi-Fi drains battery. What doesn’t you could say! Ha! If you leave the house and know you will not be in a public place using Wi-Fi just turn it off. There are two simple ways of doing this shizzle.
Go to the app Settings > Wi-Fi > Flick the switch.
Or open your Control Center as explained in Nr. 3 and simply tap the Wi-Fi symbol at the top. Now Apple for some reason decided that doing the latter does not completely turn Wi-Fi off, but only disconnects until the next day. It still does the trick as your Wi-Fi will not keep searching for networks in the background. But I bet you did not know that. #patmyselfontheback

10. Turn off (Hey) Siri
Image-1 (6)Apple’s AI Siri loves to help us in our daily lives by giving us the weather forecasts, helping us with reminders and being undecided on whether I am handsome or not. B*tch! My mommie always told me I was such a handsome boy! #mommiesboy
If of course you do not use Siri and her abundance in solutions the just shut her up by turning her off.
Go to the app Settings > Siri & Search > Switch off all the above settings (see pic).

11. Turn off sounds
Image-1 (7)My wife almost always has her phone on vibrate, which I personally do not like as I love hearing my personalised ringtone go off when I get a call. But there are more sounds that can have an influence on battery life. Keyboard clicks (when you type) and Lock Sound (when you lock your phone) are pretty unnecessary sounds (personal opinion) so why not turn them. Unless you love hearing yourself type of course.
Go to the app Settings > Sounds & Haptics.

12. Turn off iCloud
Image-1 (8)iCloud brings many advantages nowadays, from backing up your device to all your photos, music, email and contacts. It is a tremendous cloud based solution which unfortunately also gives a user far too many settings to play with again.
You might want to check whether you really need to have all those apps using iCloud turned on or not.
Do this by going to the app Settings > Tap On Your Profile Picture (top of menu) > iCloud.

13. Do not close all your apps all the time
Image-1 (9)Some of my friends and family are going to have a go at me for this one as I have (for many years) always informed them that closing your apps actually saves background processes and battery. Well….how wrong was I all that time!!
I can now confirm that constantly closing your apps actually drains more battery as every time you re-open those apps, the app has to start all its processes from scratch which takes more energy. Most apps are so smart nowadays that they do not actually do anything in the background when they are opened, thus making the constant closing of apps redundant. However if there are certain apps you have used but generally barely use, then close them out.

14. Change email from push to fetch
Image-1 (10)Do we really need to get every bloody email as soon as it comes up? Maybe you’ve got another email account that is less important. You can actually change these settings from ‘Push’ to either ‘Fetch’ or ‘Manual’. With Fetch, you can set an interval, such as every 15 minutes, 30 minutes, and so on, for your iPhone to check for new email. The longer you make the interval, the less battery you will be using. With ‘Manual’, it will only check for new email when you open the mail app.
Change your settings in the app Settings > Passwords & Accounts > Fetch New Data.

15. Edit search
Image-1 (11)The ‘Search’ function indexes and searches through every item on your iPhone. You can save a wee bit of battery, by filtering your searches, if you tell it to stop looking for irrelevant items.
Go to the app Settings > Siri & Search > Scroll down to your apps and turn off whatever you do not use.

I hope these tricks help you along a bit in making your smartphone as energy efficient as possible. Leave a comment if you have any additional tips that I might have missed.

P.S. No buffoons, baboons or Stormy Daniels were killed/hurt during the creation of this article.

*all pictures are courtesy of Marcel van der Wilden

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Two things I missed at Apple’s Keynote event: drastic battery improvements and lower pricing

Come on Apple, did you forget about the battery improvements and lower pricing again? Here is what we missed at September’s Apple Event.

So on the back of the Apple Keynote Event from last Wednesday there were two things that kept bugging me. Did Apple’s Philip Schiller get fat and why did that clicker they used for the presentation look like something from the early 90’s!

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courtesy of twitter.com @davemark

No, of course I am kidding.

I wish to discuss the ongoing issue of battery capacity and also tap into the whole pricing dilemma. Buckle up!

Battery life, not again?
Now there are two things that really grind my gears, and have so for many years in my geeky tech ridden life. Firstly Apple’s poor battery life track record and secondly feminists, ahem, I mean pricing. I do tend to have a longer list of things that grind my gears but I did not see vegans, politicians, Greenpeace activists, flat earth believers and ISIS to be relevant here.

Spiderman-Strange
courtesy of bollywoodlife.com

The above are probably the faces of Tim Cook and his execs over at Apple when they read the first two sentences of the above paragraph. Rightly so! Sorry Dr. Strange and Spidey, you guys are cool, even with the silly cape, doc.

I can tell you that for years, and rightly so, a lot of people have complained about the fact that their iPhone manages a day of battery life or less and with the Plus version maybe a day and a half at most. I surprisingly manage to squeeze almost two days out of my iPhone 7 Plus, which I am content with to be fair.

The iPhone 6, 7, and 8’s however barely get through a day. This is bloody appalling considering that we have put a man on the moon in the freaking 60’s, can do face transplants, make nuclear weapons, change genders, build autonomous cars and have Trump as president in the USA.

But Marcel, if you do not like it why don’t you get one of those battery pack cases?

batterycase
courtesy of Apple.com/nl

Sure, let me just make my phone twice as thick, heavy and bulky! No, thanks. Smartphone manufacturers sometimes manage to create beautiful devices (not you Samsung), and the whole point is of course to not need a case, let alone a battery case around it. Thats like having my wife instead of a beautiful tight dress wear a Michelin man costume. Let us not do that, right dear?

So with Apple talking about 30 mins to 1,5 hours of additional battery life then basically I can play Candy Crush a little longer but over the course of a day that does f*ck all really!

How is it possible that the biggest and most profitable company in the world cannot ‘engineer’ a freakin’ bigger or better lasting iPhone battery?

ZTE, Xiaomi, OnePlus and Huawei all manage to cramp in 4000 mAh batteries into their smartphones and those f*ckers cost no more than 600 euro’s!!! Wait a second!! Those are all Chinese companies!! WTF! Well that must be why then. (hits himself over the head) Well then its simple Marcel, you should not buy an iPhone anymore! Said the dumbest donkey ever.

iPhones are more than just luxury products, they house all the technological solutions I require, from photos to music, games, social interaction and work. Apart from that I still believe that iOS is the most reliable, best updated, safest and best mobile operating system for years. I additionally consider the iPhones, especially the new Xs, to be the most beautifully designed phones out there. That is just my opinion.

Pricing
Most people when comparing any Apple product to a non-Apple product mention one thing: price.
And you know what, I tend to agree with those Apple haters up to a certain point.

Let me be honest by admitting that I strongly feel that Apple’s products and I mean all of them are overpriced and thus exclude a large potential customer base who cannot afford them.

Apple know how to market their products, appeal to the masses and basically have been getting away with murder for years. Yet we still keep buying Apple products!? Yes, most products I find innovative (AirPods / Apple Watch / iPhones), of high quality and user friendly. Therefore I am personally willing to pay that extra amount. I completely understand others who do not consider it to be worth it. Each to their own of course.

Over the past 9 months I have read a lot of rumours about Apple optimising their production processes and supply chain of the iPhone X. There were major indications that the new iPhones would come to market at least $100 cheaper than the 2017 iPhone X. Unfortunately all those rumours were wrong and called rumours for a reason.

The way I believe Apple saved their asses with this decision is by offering a cheaper $799 iPhone Xr with 6 different colours. And it would not surprise me if the Xr becomes the best selling iPhone ever made.

Still with the massive profit margins Apple makes it could have afforded to have gone down in price, even if $100 does not seem like a lot. Remember that in marketing perception is everything, and those hundred bucks would have made a big change in many potential customers.

Are you interested in understanding your smartphone’s battery better and how to optimise it? Stay tuned for the quick start guide on battery management for all smartphones, not just iPhones.

Aside from all the possible criticism I have today pre-ordered the new iPhones Xs. I will do my first unboxing as soon as I have received it and share it with you all!

The new iPhone Xs, Xs Max and Xr: a summary without the nerdy tech talk

The new iPhones are here. Read about why you should care about these three new models and why I will be buying the iPhone Xs.

Hey Apple fans and Apple haters, Android munchers and non-smartphone neanderthals. Today it was time for another Apple Keynote event, called ‘Gather Round’. And as Tim Cook always mentions just a few times (a lot), it was awesome and amazing and damn I just jizzed all over my screen awesome. (Slight exaggeration of course, where did I put the tissues?!) Without the severely technical nerdy details (sorry CNET, 9to5Mac, Verge, Engadget) let me give you a quick run down of what you really need to know about the three new iPhones: The Xs, Xs Max and Xr. And why I believe that the new iPhone Xr (the cheapest iPhone) is a very smart profitable move made by Apple.

iPhone XS and XS Max (big – biggest)
Yup, I remember the days where Apple was saying that their iPhones would never get bigger than 4 inches…ahum. You are forgiven, thank God you listened to the market.
As of September 14th you can pre order the latest and greatest iPhones from Apple.
Now I know that after reading the title you might have been wondering why you were reading about a new brand of Apple condoms. Come on Apple, the naming of these phones is becoming really ridiculous now. What is next iPhone going to be called? The iPhone Xs Max Ultra Avenger?! I am sorry Thor, I know how you feel.

download
courtesy of geektyrant.com

So no more TouchID, we are now transitioning toFaceIDonly on all three iPhones and to be honest I still have mixed feelings about that. However when you look at the quality, beauty and design of the display and overall phone then I can very simply disregard TouchID ever existed. Apple has done a great job at optimising space and design. And honestly it does not take a lot of effort getting used to FaceID, it is fantastic technology.

iPhone XS
Let us start with the successor of the 2017 top ‘notch’(see what I did there) iPhone X, the now called iPhone Xs, which has nothing to do with being extra small. Somebody fire the marketing and branding teams at Apple, please! The iPhone Xs has the same design as last year’s iPhone X and that is not a bad thing at all. Against all odds and criticism last year’s iPhone X (despite the notch and its $999 price tag) became the Nr.1 selling smartphone in the world.
Apple knows you do not change a winning team or in this case phone design. Jose Mourinho might disagree about that winning team statement though. Anyway, now available in three colours, not last year’s two. Silver, SpaceGrey and a beautiful Gold colour addition.

iphonexscolours
courtesy of apple.com

FaceID according to Apple has become even faster and more reliable than last year’s version and knowing Apple’s track history of improvements I tend to trust them on that claim.

The camera has received even more technology upgrades that will make your eyes dazzle. Yes, the iPhone X already made the most beautiful pictures on any smartphone (bugger off Samsung), but now it will make even more more more beautiful beautifuller pictures, or as Tim Cook would say, awesome pictures. With Apple and I really mean this as a compliment, they always manage to go from 100% to 200% and beyond with improvements. The improved selfie camera now even allows selfie portrait shots. So cool, especially for all your Instagram friends who will now engulf Instagram with even more daily selfies.

Just when you think that certain speeds of processors, graphical performances are already pushing every limit, somehow Apple’s engineers (who should receive a lot more credit than they get) manage to squeeze even better, more, faster technology out of Apple devices. Astonishing. Awesome.

The battery apparently lasts 30 minutes longer than last year’s iPhone X, which is….uhm… (excuse my French) f*cking ridiculous Apple. Companies like ZTE, Xiaomi and OnePlus manage to fit 4000 mAh batteries in phones that are just as big and slim as yours. And those phones cost half as much as the iPhone Xs. Funnily enough Apple showed that their CPU and GPU (sorry I will not get more technical than that) actually use 30% and 50% less power that the previous versions. Sooooo, where is that power saving going then, Apple!? In your bank account next to those humongous profit margins?

Moving on to the display, well let us be totally honest here, the previous iPhone X already had the most detailed, beautiful OLED display on the market and Apple have just outdone themselves again (of course). I cannot wait to put Katy Perry as my wallpaper on this new iPhone, oh wait, sorry dear, I meant my wife.
P.S. Please grow your hair back Katy you look like a slutty lesbian.

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courtesy of thisisinsidercom

To my father’s delight the new iPhones will (finally) have dual sim functionality. This however brings the eSIM into play which means one physical sim card and a digital one, so not two physical sim cards. Except for China, because those commie bastards like to play hard ball with everything. Let me iterate that this is aimed at the government, not Chinese people in general, so no need to hack my iCloud account tomorrow, thanks. Should you wish to understand more about eSIM then please check out this article from my friends at Pocket Lint for a more in depth explanation.

And now something rather insignificant, but pretty cool nonetheless: AR measuring with your iPhone. Apple has added a measuring feature in iOS 12 that will allow you to measure any object with your phone through augmented reality.

26401-37502-Measure-in-iOS-12-l
courtesy of appleinsider.com

As with men is often the case, we tend to think with our dicks rather than our brains. (mostly, unfortunately). Therefore I can already imagine a lot of teenagers, but also grown men trying this out to accurately test the size of their ding dong. So no need to use your fingers anymore as shown in the picture below. Now let me see and try this here…8 inches uhm no wait 9 inches…

race-and-penis-sizes
courtesy preen.inquirer.net

I actually just noticed the above picture is a little racist, so please disregard the colours and focus on the hand gestures. (cannot be too careful nowadays)

iPhone Xs Max (6.5 inches)
Now that is a big p…….hone, right!? Apple has never made a phone with a display size of 6.5 inches. Well as of September 14th you can now get the iPhone XS Max(ipad), sorry bad wordplay joke. Apart from the size of the phone and a larger battery everything is identical to its smaller sibling the Xs (5.5 inches). Apple claims to get 1.5 hours more battery life out of this compared to the previous smaller 5.5 inch iPhone X from 2017. Now again, as was evident by the awkward silence in the auditorium during the Keynote this is not a mind-boggling improvement. To deal with the larger screen size it will need this increase desperately.

You are probably now wondering how big these phones are to put things into perspective. See below a first comparison of the iPhone Xs Max (6.5 inches) on the left and the Xs (5.8 inches) on the right, with in the middle the current iPhone 8 (4.7 inches) (same size as iPhone 6 &7). And when talking inches I mean display size, not phone size.

iphonecomp8.jpeg
courtesy of Apple.com/nl

It becomes more interesting though when we do the same comparison with the previous iPhone 8 Plus which also has 5.5 inches of display. But, look at the size difference with the new Xs (5.8 inches) and Xs Max (6.5 inches).

iphonecomparison8plus.jpeg
courtesy of Apple.com/nl

The new Xs (5.8 inches) has even more display size then the bulky iPhone 8 Plus but is considerably smaller in size and weight. Put that next to the new Xs Max and you get another inch of display size for the same size of phone like the iPhone 8 Plus. That is astonishing. As you can tell this was achieved by removing the TouchID from the bottom of the phone.

In conclusion Apple have delivered the best iPhones ever made and to my knowledge and opinion the two best smartphones of 2018. Pricingstarts at $999 for the Xs and $1099 for the Xs Max in the USA and in most European countries at around €1159 and €1259 respectively. These are the 64gb standard models, let us not even go to the prices of the 512gb version. Damn you Apple.

iPhone Xr (the supposed budget iPhone game changer)
Hold on folks, we are not done yet, there is one more new iPhone to mention: the iPhone Xr (6.1 inches)Wait Xr? Xavier? 10Regular? Sort it out knuckleheads!
Now all mockery aside the iPhone Xr is a brilliant move by Apple and will probably become their all time best selling iPhone, outselling the Xs and Xs Max. Let me explain.

iphonexr
courtesy of Apple.com/nl

Firstly look at those (six) colours! I love the blue and red versions!

Secondly it has the same speed and processor capacity as its more expensive siblings the Xs and Xs Max. Nice one Apple.

Additionally it houses a single camera unit, but amazingly enough Apple have managed to add portrait mode to this single camera. You will get the same camera’s on the front providing you with FaceID.

Biggest differences are the display type and the price. This is an LCD screen, not OLED like Xs and Xs Max, which does make a difference in colour saturation and pixel density, or in other words does not look as phenomenal as the Xs and Xs Max.

However! We are now in a day and age where technology has advanced so far that we can barely see these differences with the naked eye. So let us not take the OLED vs LCD display comparison too seriously. Last but not least the price. In the USA we are talking $799 and in Europe (Netherlands) around €859 for the standard 64gb model.

Hold on, will some of you geeks say who have done their homework, that is the current price for an iPhone 8 Plus which is still a hell lot of money. And yes that is a correct assessment. However, considering the fact that Apple introduced a $1000 plus phone last year and everybody still went and bought it makes this a very interesting model. Apparently the price issue is not as big as a hurdle for most as they thought.
Add the processor capacity, camera performance, FaceID, a gorgeous large 6.1 inch screen, six bright colours to choose from and the price. That gives Apple a reach into a market of people that are considering upgrading from their iPhone 6/7/8 who can now tap into technology that until 2017 was too expensive for them.

My piece of consumer advice to anyone considering picking up the Xs, Xs Max or Xr, if you do not need the fancy camera’s and overly specced displays of the Xs and Xs Max, then do take the more affordable Xr.

Now Apple also announced the new Apple Watch Series 4, but I will keep that topic for another day. Weirdly enough there is still no word of the 2017 announced Airpower or Airpods 2. WTF Apple!

P.S. check out my next article also on the Apple Keynote Event with my opinion on what I believe is still missing from these iPhones. Stay tuned later this week. Thanks.

Eminem’s ‘Kamikaze’: is it time for the Rap God to retire?

Eminem is back with a surprise diss album bonanza. Strap in tight folks, Em is droppin’ the bomb on us with Kamikaze.

As a wee lad my best mate introduced me to this white boy rapper from Detroit with his rude, misogynistic, homophobic, angry yet lyrically astonishing catchy raps. Eminem or Slim Shady as he proclaimed his alter ego to be when things really needed to get dark, fiery and sometimes downright ludicrous is now back with a surprise album called ‘Kamikaze’.

Revival
On his last and 9th album called ‘Revival’ from late 2017 we heard the mumblings of a rapper who had lost his identity and mojo by filling his emptiness and frustration towards the hip hop scene with pop-minded jibber jabber and terribly copied hooks and tunes, making the album almost sound like a bad karaoke night. This is epitomised by the absolutely horrendous cover of The Cranberries classic ‘Zombie’ which he calls ‘In Your Head’. (#avoid) The guest vocals of world pop stars like Beyonce and Ed Sheeran did not help one bit. And that is not me slagging of Beyonce and Ed Sheeran. No. I mean ginger pubes actually made the song River good by adding his voice. To be fair Eminem needed to take a good hard look in the mirror. The critics killed his record, and maybe rightly so. This was Slim Shady unworthy. Using his own words: he needed to put a dick in his mouth.
And to be honest being a massive Eminem fan since a young age, this record made me want to puke and punch Hillary Clinton in the face. (Bill was too busy getting his shlong sucked)

Criticism
Eminem, let alone from album sales, but as an image and rapper will never be forgotten in the music world let alone be outclassed by the current dimwits that call themselves rappers. (ahem Lil Yachty, Migos, Machine Gun Kelly)
However one thing Marshall seriously needs to comprehend is being able to take criticism without killing his legacy. In the 2000’s there was nobody like Em, a true Rap God. And up to 2013’s album The Marshall Mathers LP 2 I would agree with view. Unlike most rappers he thankfully did not start wearing skinny jeans and change his name to Lil Em. Marshall Mathers a now almost 46 year old rap veteran still cannot let it go that times have changed and the rap scene has moved on and has now turned into an incestuous mumble auto tune load of shite that makes you wonder where it all has gone. Dam you Ja Rule!
Em seems to suffer from an everlasting urge to show the world he is still the best lyricist out there as if he were an emerging rapper from Detroit’s underground, oh wait…deja-vu! If anything Eminem can take a bow to the global audience and enjoy his record selling legacy. However..

Kamikaze
Marshall was not ready to throw the towel in the ring and instead of an accurate hook to the eye, chews the opponents ear off with his surprise comeback record Kamikaze. (sorry Tyson) Anger, frustration, fear, insecurity, misogyny and pure brilliance fuel an album where Em sets the record straight versus all of his critics.
This record exudes disses towards the biggest names in politics, rap, pop music, entertainment and maybe even you. No need for Beyonce and ginger pubes to appear on this record. This is Em going back to the angry white boy from Detroit’s underground battle scene, that made The Marshall Mather’s LP the epitome of rap, probably for all time. (that is my opinion, let’s not have all these Nas loving b*****s get their panties in a twist about his Illmatic album)

Dissing
The likes of Trump, Pence, Machine Gun Kelly, Drake, Joe Budden, Lil Pump, Migos and Diddy are just a few on a long list of casualties. I am sure Eminem has set a new record for most people insulted on a single album. And you know what if anybody can pull it off or deserves a go at these people its Em.

Em has gone back to Dre fuelled beats and hooks that fit perfectly with his lyrical brilliance. Good examples of this are the songs Not Alike (feat. Royce Da 5’9″) and Lucky You (feat. Joyner Lucas), which I personally think are the true sound of Kamikaze with lyrics that will make you wonder, how does one even come up with this shit! Damn! Marshall sometimes seems to just stop breathing to fit in so many words, but makes it look as easy as Kim Jong Un hiding his nuclear weapons arsenal. The tempo changes, and musical intervals are mind blowing, let alone sheer genius from my perspective.
I grew up with rap phenomenons like Lil Wayne, Busta Rhymes, DMX, 50 Cent, Wu Tang Clan and Dr. Dre. That is a stark contrast to the current rap scene full of skinny jeans wearing pussies. Word of advice, please do listen to these songs a few times to really grasp the lyrics and meaning of his disses.

Retirement?
Eminem has made me nostalgic with Kamikaze and yet again shows he might be getting older and is out of sync with the current music scene, but that is okay and acceptable, because this is Marshall Mathers we are talking about. Em please take this piece of advice from a critic and also lifelong fan: stop giving a f*ck about what people say, focus on Slim Shady and what made him the most disturbing, genius, record album selling, lyricist and MC of the past 20 years.”

I forgive you for ‘Revival’ but please don’t pull that shit again bro. Retirement? No way man. Keep firing away Slim!

Review: 8.0

 

 

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courtesy of last.fm

Instagram: #nofilter

Instagram, what a joy and curse all moulded into one awkwardly popular app. No other place on earth brings together the most insecure-selfie-loving-idiots on this world as Instagram does. Just for the record: “I also use Instagram”. Let us discuss. (evil laugh)

Trolls
I am pretty sure you know trolls, although in this case I am not hinting at your grandmother, ex-girlfriend or those silly little dolls.

Trolling, or in other words the art of deliberately and secretly pissing people off or mocking them to suicidal madness. You probably have seen it or are a troll yourself because your mother never cuddled you enough and did not tell you enough how special you are. So instead you reside to online bullying because someone else actually looks better than you or has a better life!

Has the world descended into utter madness? Leaving out Bill Cosby, Donald Trump and Harvey Weinstein, I would like to point my attention to the current generation of teenagers and adolescents. According to bullyingstatistics.org :

  • Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC. For every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it.
  • Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University
  • A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying
  • 10 to 14 year old girls may be at even higher risk for suicide, according to the study above

Shocking!! I mean imagining a 14 year old girl committing suicide because of social media posts and comments is just downright sad. To get cyber bullied so badly you want to take your own life is downright ridiculous and a massive tragedy. We are our own worst enemy. A very common conclusion however is that the bully is often more insecure and confused than the bully victim, which is daft when you think of it. Pestering, discriminating, bullying someone because you do not have the courage to get off your phone and socialise with real people or due to the fact that you hate your body or the fact that your parents named you something like North, Saint or Dick. (suck on that Kanye!)

I went through most of my secondary school life being called the Nazi or Crout, because I am half German. I know so original. Not even Dolf or Obersturmbannführer, pretty disappointing really. I had Eminem, Rammstein and football getting me through those days.

Back in those days MSN was hot and took up most of my spare time, but bullying was not even a fraction of what it is today. We now live in a sad world where imperfections, flaws, insecurities are laid bare on a daily basis. Imagine a post on instagram of a pretty girl in a bikini, well here some eye catching quotes that really stand out to me:

– “Have you seen the cellulite on that whale?!”
– “I struggled to wank to this one”
– “I would not take a picture of myself with those stretch-marks!”
– “Stop holding your breath fatty”
– “You fit right in with the other Auschwitz folks with those skinny legs, hurry up the train is leaving”

Funnily enough all women suffer from cellulite, even men, and the commenter of this comment probably does not wear skirts because she is so appalled of her own cellulite. Let me tell you one thing, you are the biggest coward, lowlife piece of shit of a person if you dare criticise and bully other people’s posts on social media. I am sure you would not enjoy your comments aimed back at you in your posts, right?

Apparently Instagram has been working on an AI to automatically block offensive comments in posts and is working hard at reducing cyber bullying. It is the least they can do with all that technology laying around nowadays.

Food
Folks, please please please stop posting your food/meals/dishes as an Instagram post. Period. I would rather get roofied by Bill Cosby than look at another food post. There might be 0.2% of all Instagrammers that will be interested in your food or what you cooked yesterday, so please for the overwhelming rest of us, write a blog on food, but stop posting food on social media! Nobody cares. Moving on.

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source: chowhound.com

Insecurity
Another picture of Cara Delevingne or Doutzen Kroes posted on Instagram and 10 million teenage girls start puking out their food on a daily basis just to look so beautifully skinny. Well let me tell you something girls, you are perfect and beautiful as you are, there is nothing beautiful about weighing 40 kg and overall being very unhealthy. Then we have the filters that make the whole situation even worse. Adding filters to make sure you look less pale, fat or cover up your stretch-marks and cellulite just adds injury to insult. The fact that you then have to use the hashtag ‘nofilter’ to show it is a real untouched picture just shows how bizarre this phenomenon has become! Just remember, whatever comment you receive, that person is unhappy, insecure and sad. However that person deserves none of your sympathy. Respect should be a two way street, those bullies however do not understand that.

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source: alloy.com

Plus size models
That brings me to a development over the past few years that has put a smile on my face. The growing popularity of plus sized models. Now I know there is curvy and CURVY and then obese but the fact that more and more plus sized models are daring to post their bodies and get contracted as a model is encouraging. Women like Demi Rose and Iskra Lawrence are strong advocates for the plus sized thinking and I can only applaud that.
After all I do prefer a bit of cushion for the pushin’. In case my dear wife reads this, I love your cushion babe, no worries there. 🙂

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(Iskra Lawrence) source: thesun.co.uk

Purpose
So let us do what Instagram allows us to do at its best, share beautiful pictures of locations, animals, happy people, cars, beautiful men and women, buildings, not so beautiful men and women. BUT leave out the bullish comments and post motivating and positive feedback. Treat others the way you wish to be treated. Amen!