Mr Wedding Planner: 182 days to go

Hello folks, time is flying by and while counting down I want to cover the joys of invites, Ray Romano, O.J. Simpson and Las Vegas. Dear oh dear what an excruciatingly frustrating exercise it has been. Let me explain.

Hello folks, time is flying by and while counting down I want to cover the joys of invites, Ray Romano, O.J. Simpson and Las Vegas. Dear oh dear what an excruciatingly frustrating exercise it has been. Let me explain.

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source: cannabischapellv.com

Let’s start with Las Vegas. Why? Because my fiancee and I, on occasion thought, to hell with it all, let’s jet to Vegas and get married by Elvis! And considering Elvis is one of my idols, that was a tough choice to make. (I know he is dead…. mmmh or is he?).

Sorry back on topic. Vegas. The Valhalla of gamblers, strippers, shoppers, mafia, Elvis-wedding-chapels and CSI. Or ‘THE’ one and only CSI as I see it, not the terrible CSI Miami, hi my name is Horatio and I take my sunglasses on and off in every scene!

I have had the joy of visiting Las Vegas once and let me tell you I would go back any day! The things my parents still don’t know about, while we were there in my early twenties! Ha, but as you probably gathered, we did not end up going to Vegas (yet). Who knows maybe our honeymoon will take us there. Yeah Legoland, Butlins and Centerparcs were already fully booked (ahum). Actually my best man is getting married next year and he is from the beautiful Caribbean island of St. Lucia, so we plan on combining his wedding with our honeymoon. Might as well, since we are already going to be there, right?

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source: raymond.wikia.com

So let’s meet my friend Ray Romano (picture above), who I hope you will remember from a very popular tv show called ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’. Do you recall Ray’s mother from the show, Marie? Silly old bat on the left in the picture. The devil on earth. A woman you actually wanted to punch at times. But of course we do not punch women, ever, right O.J. Simpson?

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source: businessinsider.com

Why do I make this link to Marie? Because my grandmother is pretty similar. What is it with a lot of grandmothers that the older they get, the more devious, angry and disrespectful they get? Long story short, my grandmother caused some major friction within the family directly affecting my fiancee and I. This shit-storm put a rather dark cloud above the wedding preparations and our moods. More importantly I am glad the quarrel inside my family, or at least with my parents has now finally been put to rest. (grandma will never change)

I mention this, because choosing who gets to be invited to the wedding or not, is often a political and downright painfully complex affair. My fiancee and I decided we did not want to invite the whole world and keep the wedding in a small circle of closest friends and family. However…

This meant having to tell my dear acquaintances Gerard Butler, Eminem and Katy Perry they could not come to my wedding. Gerard Butler took it quite well actually; “I donnae know aboot yuu, but al be missin yer Whiskey laddie,” he mumbled. Yes, open bar sounds appealing doesn’t it. Eminem wanted to have an open mic night with one vs one rap battles, but I had to kindly disappoint him that this was not going to be 8 Mile Part 2. Katy Perry was disappointed she wouldn’t be kissing any girls and liking it, and I made clear that it doesn’t matter whether she is Hot or Cold, she’s still not invited and should get back down from her Dark Horse!

My fiancee wanted to invite the cast from the Jungle Book, but I told her that Bagheera and Shere-Khan would only frighten the children, so no. Just think of all ‘the bare necessities’ first hun. Bless her and her animal loving heart.
Here is your favourite dear: Doge.

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source: memesuper.com

But when aunt A does not get along with uncle B, and cousin A and nephew B are not on speaking terms, then the selection process is already being forced into a certain corner.
So in the end we managed to get to a neatly selected, relatively small group of almost 50 guests. People who we really wanted to have with us on that special day, without any possible arguments, tension etc.. And evenly split between my side of the family/friends and hers.

So we moved on to getting the actual invites created. We used this cool website called mycards.nl to create our own tailored wedding invites. From the type of paper to text, envelope colours etc… Brilliant. My fiancee then came up with the really shagadelic idea of burning a seal into the invite’s envelope. So we got the letter W from my last name and imprinted it on every outgoing invite. See below. Yeah baby!

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source: instagram.com

Arranged seating is another headache, so we took an advil and not bothered with it. We want people to move around, sit with others, get drunk with with a stranger at the bar or something. To aid this I thought it would be interesting to have an underlying theme/activity for the day that would encourage people to mingle. Going paintballing with all the guests the day before the wedding was not going to be very feasible and the women were very opposed to having a meal and fun time at a stripclub. Hmm. More on that some other time.

Next time I am delving into the predicament of finding a photographer. Bloody hell they are expensive! Until then. Over and out.

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Mr Wedding Planner: 200 days to go

200 days and counting, this time I cover rings, Gollum, locations and Benny Hill.

Oh dear it has been 32 days of silence! No I have not come out of the closet, did not jump off a bridge after watching TLC’s Say Yes To The Dress marathon on tv, nor did I start dating Katy Perry in secret (call me if you read this Katy)…. No just kidding, we are actually well on track for a fantastic wedding and now just 200 days to go and thus it is time for another session of Mr Wedding Planner!

Its been a busy past few weeks, amidst getting accustomed to my new job, getting a kitten and trying to plan this wedding. More importantly I can tick a few boxes on my to-do list for the big day ahead.

Rings
As Gollum will tell you, finding that ‘one’ ring is a bloody hell of a journey.

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source: nl.indebanvandering.wikia.com

Good job Sauron had foreseen this situation and made an additional two rings (to rule them all) for my fiancee and I. As I mentioned in my previous post we had gone to the jeweller as we had found some rings we really liked. Even funnier that we eventually picked a totally different design than at first planned. Got to love a bit of impulsive shopping! We got a great deal for them and within two weeks they were ready for pick up. We added a little engraving to both rings, which I will not disclose until after the wedding 😉

Funnily enough ever since buying them and taking them home, my fiancee is having a bit of trouble staying away from them. Yes while they are stored away in her bed side cabinet, she keeps wanting to try her ring and look at it all the time. Even in her sleep she seems to be drawn to it, sometimes mumbling passionately: “precious, MY PRECIOUS!!” And let me tell you its scary as hell to see your fiancee next to you in bed doing a Bilbo Baggins on you when you ask her about the ring:

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source: pinterest.com

If you seriously do not understand the above, nor do you not know what an iPhone is or that Trump is actually the president of the United States of America then I suggest you crawl out of your cave and go watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy. It’s only 9 hours of ball-tingling amazement.
Anyway moving on, I will admit that the thought of having a ring around my finger for the rest of my life, showcasing my love to one person is exhillirating and I have also shared my fiancee’s temptations in sometimes trying on the ring….

Location
So we have the rings covered, my Bilbo nightmares are also slowly dissipating, which brings me to probably the most important factor of the wedding day; the location.

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source: theweddinglocation.com

There we were, eagerly awaiting the quotation for our wedding day location and all the stuff that comes with it: food, alcohol and more food, buckets of food!
The above is a picture of a castle, you are correct, not our wedding location.
So our lovely event manager, as mentioned in my previous article, had put together the quotation and with a few minor adjustments things worked out relatively quickly.

As I was double checking the document for any administrative errors, I managed to find some peculiarities. The event manager had managed to spell my last name wrong on three accounts just on the first page, all three of them written differently wrong every single time. Come on!

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source: dieudogifs.be

Thank you Benny Hill for aiding me in expressing my feelings there.
What made it even more weird was the fact that when I rang the event manager up she acted heavily annoyed, not even trying to hide it. Bloody professional right! Oh well, maybe she was just on her period, I forgive her, it’s my wedding day after all!

As the local council is a pain in the backside we required a declaration of location from the event location to even register the wedding and our future marriage. Additionally we needed proof of identification of ourselves, our witnesses, cats and the neighbour’s hamster. But as we are in the year 2017 the application process can actually be done online! Wonderful, until the website timed out and I had to restart the whole process again. Time for another Benny Hill expression!

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source: metacritic.com

Either way, we eventually managed to press confirm and received the confirmation email that our marriage submission was under review. 24 Hours later we received the confirmation that on October 13th, 2017 we are legally permitted to get married at the location of our choosing! Oh and that little bit of admin work by the council was not for free of course, 581 euro’s to be precise! Let’s try and stick to marrying just once…;)

Location check, food check, alcohol (burp) check, rings check (my precious)….Next up the invites and invitee list. Check back next week for the continuation of Mr Wedding Planner!

Mr Wedding Planner: 232 days to go

Cunning plans, Blackadder, and high costs!

The theme for today? A cosy suite with jacuzzi, alcohol and rumpy-pumpy in bed, yes it is time for another passionate session of Mr Wedding Planner!
But before all of you think that this was going to be an insert out of Fifty Shades Of Grey, I am sorry to disappoint you. The steamiest scene to be displayed here will be that of me merely talking about a bridal suite while feeling remotely similar to Edmund Blackadder and Baldrick, coming up with a cunning plan, my wedding plan.

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source: johnbrace.com

Oh and I do apologise if you have never seen these two gentlemen from the Blackadder series (have you been living under a rock?) or as Edmund would tell you: “your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly and the part of you that can’t be mentioned, I am reliably informed by women around the court, wouldn’t be worth mentioning even if it could be.”

But let us leave the women of the court for now and take a gander down wedding plan lane.   A few days have passed and today my fiancee and I thought we would nail down our location and date while getting our registration for marriage at city hall arranged. However we found ourselves in a slightly different unanticipated predicament. In other words: “we are in the stickiest situation since Sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun.”
Interestingly enough I felt more like Baldrick today with my fiancee showing more signs of Edmund’s keen thinking.

Close by our ceremonial location (or so we thought), is a picturesque, sizeable monument of a building. Imagine a big old inn. This was to be our setting for a meeting with their business manager. A rapid thinking woman who quickly made it very clear to us that having the ceremony, wedding, dinner, all of it in one location and for less money, would be more sensible. Of course she would say that you think, she wants your money! However the woman was right, so after some calculations (the other location would have cost another 700 euro’s just for the ceremony), seeing the beautiful room of knights (main events room), bridal suite (fancy schmancy) and getting a very good package we have reconsidered and decided to ditch the other ceremonial location. The neanderthal like man in me also thought, one location is easier than two (ahum).

At one point Ayla, asked us if we liked to dance? After almost choking to death on the sip of Coca Cola I was having, my thoughts wandered off wanting to tell her: “have you ever seen a three-legged giraffe dance with a twerking, gothic princess?” Thus after looking into the gorgeously shimmering blue eyes of my fiancee, in some form of telepathy sensation, we decided that a specific disco lounge was not necessary for our wedding. A cunning plan indeed. We now await her proposal with our budget in mind but have managed to set down the 13th of October, as THE date!

Shortly after we found ourselves in the confines of the ever so depressing city hall. A place that gives me the creeps more than Baldrick’s teeth. Talking about teeth, it felt like getting kicked in them when the lady from city hall informed us that getting married would cost a sizeable 570 euro’s! Of course the city will try and suck us dry like some money-crazed leeches. Apparently one requires a proof of location before you can even get the approval forms for marriage submitted. (ondertrouw as the call it in my native Dutch)

So with the day readily planned we moved (through the pissing rain) to the jeweller we had set our eyes upon for the wedding rings. One of the things I love about my fiancee is the fact that with furniture shopping in Ikea or clothing, and now rings we always seem to be aligned quickly on what we both like and want. Thus after a mere 5 minutes we had found the design of the 14 carat gold rings, that will bind us in matrimony.
We were in luck as the second ring cost a small fraction of the first one, thus saving us a few hundred euro’s! Finally a cunning plan brought to a successful conclusion. Now we shall wait two weeks and then we will have them engraved and we will be able to tick this one of the to-do list!

Next up we will try to get the package deal of our liking, and the approval of location, so we can get the pesky admin side with city hall finalised. Until next time!

P.S. I have decided on a wedding outfit, hope you like it!
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Mr Wedding Planner: 237 days to go

The husband-to-be doing the wedding planning, WHAT?

Not often (rarely) do you hear about the man taking care of the wedding plans. Well ‘Mr Wedding Planner’ is my take on being one of those men and my lead up to the big day! I will be dedicating as many posts as time will allow me to share with you, my road to the big day in this column called: ‘Mr Wedding Planner’.

Just to make a few things very clear: I am not gay (no offense), a major control freak, nor does my fiancee not give a toss about our wedding. She ‘IS’ however one hell of a chaotic, stressful, somewhat headless chicken when it comes to these things, thus she has kindly asked me to take the lead in the planning. Things we do for our women right? 😉

Now I am sure that any females reading this will probably laugh their panties off and will state things like: how can a man do a woman’s job? He will screw this up, I am sure!
Well for a man who irons his own shirts, cleans, and does his chores around the house, I believe this venture of a wedding plan will go down well!

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source: someecards.com

So there are a lot of details to be clarified in the coming weeks. We have set our intended wedding day to October 13th 2017, and by Wednesday next week we will hope to have this confirmed! The same counts for the location which I will delve into a little more later in the post. I am sure you have seen some wedding programs on the tv channel TLC or something of the sort. The bigger the better. Well not for us. Luckily my fiancee shares my view and we both decided against a massive and expensive wedding as we do not consider it to be worth it (opinion yes I know) and would rather spend our hard earned money on other parts of our lives. Currently we are looking at about 46 guests. But let me begin at the beginning, starting with us!

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Giza, Egypt (2015)

So this is us! My beautiful fiancee Ragna and I. After 1,5 years of engagement, we are now working towards our wedding day on the Friday, 13th of October 2017! Yes, bring out your Jason Voorhees masks! The above picture was taken in Giza, Egypt which we visited due to my parents living in Cairo. A nice backdrop for a proposal, right? And thankfully she said ‘yes’! I also do not have the big Bin Laden beard anymore. Oh and guess what, we actually met on Tinder. An online brothel or swinging community to some, but for us it was love at first sight. Thank you Tinder!

So where do we stand right now in terms of planning and timing? Well yesterday we had the pleasure of going to our proposed ceremony location. And boy let me tell you, we were sold at first glance. A gorgeous medieval style building which on the inside looks like we have entered the queen’s palace, but then in the times of William of Orange.

Authentic art, beautiful wall and ceiling decorations and that lovely old smell! Utterly in awe of the place we have to now get it reserved with the local city hall of The Hague. So coming Wednesday I hope to tell you all that our location and also wedding date and time are set in stone. Fingers crossed! Pictures of this location I will keep secret until the actual wedding day of course.

Furthermore I thankfully have a lovely organised sister Cecile, who has taken up the task of helping my fiancee and me on the day itself by being our host. Thank you dear sis! And let me tell you my sister makes lists of everything, plans everything, I believe her daily toilet visits are even on planned lists somewhere. 😉

Stay tuned for my next post next week, with hopefully a confirmed date and location!