Mr Wedding Planner: 182 days to go

Hello folks, time is flying by and while counting down I want to cover the joys of invites, Ray Romano, O.J. Simpson and Las Vegas. Dear oh dear what an excruciatingly frustrating exercise it has been. Let me explain.

Hello folks, time is flying by and while counting down I want to cover the joys of invites, Ray Romano, O.J. Simpson and Las Vegas. Dear oh dear what an excruciatingly frustrating exercise it has been. Let me explain.


Let’s start with Las Vegas. Why? Because my fiancee and I, on occasion thought, to hell with it all, let’s jet to Vegas and get married by Elvis! And considering Elvis is one of my idols, that was a tough choice to make. (I know he is dead…. mmmh or is he?).

Sorry back on topic. Vegas. The Valhalla of gamblers, strippers, shoppers, mafia, Elvis-wedding-chapels and CSI. Or ‘THE’ one and only CSI as I see it, not the terrible CSI Miami, hi my name is Horatio and I take my sunglasses on and off in every scene!

I have had the joy of visiting Las Vegas once and let me tell you I would go back any day! The things my parents still don’t know about, while we were there in my early twenties! Ha, but as you probably gathered, we did not end up going to Vegas (yet). Who knows maybe our honeymoon will take us there. Yeah Legoland, Butlins and Centerparcs were already fully booked (ahum). Actually my best man is getting married next year and he is from the beautiful Caribbean island of St. Lucia, so we plan on combining his wedding with our honeymoon. Might as well, since we are already going to be there, right?


So let’s meet my friend Ray Romano (picture above), who I hope you will remember from a very popular tv show called ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’. Do you recall Ray’s mother from the show, Marie? Silly old bat on the left in the picture. The devil on earth. A woman you actually wanted to punch at times. But of course we do not punch women, ever, right O.J. Simpson?


Why do I make this link to Marie? Because my grandmother is pretty similar. What is it with a lot of grandmothers that the older they get, the more devious, angry and disrespectful they get? Long story short, my grandmother caused some major friction within the family directly affecting my fiancee and I. This shit-storm put a rather dark cloud above the wedding preparations and our moods. More importantly I am glad the quarrel inside my family, or at least with my parents has now finally been put to rest. (grandma will never change)

I mention this, because choosing who gets to be invited to the wedding or not, is often a political and downright painfully complex affair. My fiancee and I decided we did not want to invite the whole world and keep the wedding in a small circle of closest friends and family. However…

This meant having to tell my dear acquaintances Gerard Butler, Eminem and Katy Perry they could not come to my wedding. Gerard Butler took it quite well actually; “I donnae know aboot yuu, but al be missin yer Whiskey laddie,” he mumbled. Yes, open bar sounds appealing doesn’t it. Eminem wanted to have an open mic night with one vs one rap battles, but I had to kindly disappoint him that this was not going to be 8 Mile Part 2. Katy Perry was disappointed she wouldn’t be kissing any girls and liking it, and I made clear that it doesn’t matter whether she is Hot or Cold, she’s still not invited and should get back down from her Dark Horse!

My fiancee wanted to invite the cast from the Jungle Book, but I told her that Bagheera and Shere-Khan would only frighten the children, so no. Just think of all ‘the bare necessities’ first hun. Bless her and her animal loving heart.
Here is your favourite dear: Doge.


But when aunt A does not get along with uncle B, and cousin A and nephew B are not on speaking terms, then the selection process is already being forced into a certain corner.
So in the end we managed to get to a neatly selected, relatively small group of almost 50 guests. People who we really wanted to have with us on that special day, without any possible arguments, tension etc.. And evenly split between my side of the family/friends and hers.

So we moved on to getting the actual invites created. We used this cool website called to create our own tailored wedding invites. From the type of paper to text, envelope colours etc… Brilliant. My fiancee then came up with the really shagadelic idea of burning a seal into the invite’s envelope. So we got the letter W from my last name and imprinted it on every outgoing invite. See below. Yeah baby!


Arranged seating is another headache, so we took an advil and not bothered with it. We want people to move around, sit with others, get drunk with with a stranger at the bar or something. To aid this I thought it would be interesting to have an underlying theme/activity for the day that would encourage people to mingle. Going paintballing with all the guests the day before the wedding was not going to be very feasible and the women were very opposed to having a meal and fun time at a stripclub. Hmm. More on that some other time.

Next time I am delving into the predicament of finding a photographer. Bloody hell they are expensive! Until then. Over and out.

Author: MarcelvdWilden

Product Marketing Manager. Insomniac Gamer. Super Saiyan. Football Referee. Blunt (not James). Shitty Singer (like J.Blunt). Arsenal.

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